…Running down the hill, full tilt, holding hands, feet flying, gasping for breath, laughing for the sheer joy of it.
Autism means entire conversations held without words.
The constant and constantly changing puzzle-game of trying to understand one another, and the incredible moments of joy and excitement — the Aha! — when one person’s means of expression is grasped by the other person’s brain. It’s a brain-teaser with a truly valuable solution, a code we’re racing to break together.
(I love this about tutoring, too.)
Autism means shouting “yogurt!” from the rooftops. Because you have the right to express yourself even if no one else understands.
Autism means colors colors Colors COLORS!
And happy flapping hands.
Autism means needing a break from stimuli other people don’t even realize are there.
It means the blissfully peaceful look on your face when you come up from a dive, completely renewed by the immersion and the pressure and the magical world of water that holds you safe from sound and smell and the rest of the world.
Autism means that sometimes you need to bite down on your own hand just to get through a certain moment. And that’s ok, too.
Autism means talking in sound effects.
And deciding that we’re not going to use silverware at dinner tonight.
And lying down on the floor a lot.
And sitting the wrong way in chairs.
And hiding under the covers.
And tight bear hugs.
Autism means that something you see or hear or feel or smell or taste or think can be so fascinating that you just plain forget about everything else in the world.
Sometimes it’s like an involuntary mindfulness exercise.
Sometimes it’s frustrating and overwhelming.
Sometimes it’s tranquil.
It’s often beautiful.
Autism means paying very close attention, it really does. Just… maybe not paying attention to what you expected.
…emotions like fireworks — sudden, blindingly intense, incredibly memorable, the center of the world one moment and gone the next, leaving your ears ringing and your eyes blinking away spots…
…and sometimes it means not being able to show what you mean…
…and sometimes being able to express things more sincerely and profoundly than most people can…
…it can mean being a poet, a painter, a scientist, a person who thinks in numbers or pictures or videos or music, a person who reads at lightning speed, who remembers everything, who tastes music or hears colors, who notices the smallest details…
…Autism means being the square peg. Sometimes very obviously so. Sometimes with edges just slightly, almost imperceptibly, too wide for the slot into which everyone expects you to fit.
Autism is where you lose yourself and find yourself at the same time.
Autism means that look on your face when you watch the water sparkle…
Autism means the sounds you make when…
…fragile fascinating fascinated flying falling free focused fireworks…
Autism means you, and you are beautiful.
I just got finished reading this excellent article: http://www.assistiveware.com/are-our-assumptions-about-autism-and-aac-all-wrong
Fortunately, I’ve only once seen a case where an autistic client’s AAC was used in the horribly restrictive way that this article warns against. I have also been privileged to witness some wonderful AAC uses, and I’m in the process of learning how to encourage even more.
But let me back up a little here and tell a story.
The family cat enters the living room and my client perks up and points.
“At!” He says excitedly, “At!”
“Yes,” I say with an encouraging smile, “That’s a cat.”
“At,” he repeats.
“Cat,” I agree. A few minutes later, just in case I had forgotten, he points at the kitty again.
“At! AT! AT!” He looks extremely proud of himself, as though he has just discovered (or possibly invented) the entire idea of cats.
“You’re so smart. It IS a cat.”
“Yow,” he adds, grinning from ear to ear.
“Yes! Cats say meow!”
“Yow. Ow. At.”
“I see that.”
This client wasn’t one of my Respite kids. He was a typically developing toddler. And I suspect anyone who has ever had a toddler has had many conversations of this type. This is by way of reminding you what “normal” language development looks like. Lots of labeling. Lots of repetition. Lots of speech that, while not meaningless, seems rather purposeless.
So why on Earth, when an autistic child does this on their AAC, do people call it “stimming” and take the device away? Or worry that it is inappropriate, problematic, or inhibiting learning? And even if they don’t object, they certainly don’t engage and respond, much less encourage. And I think they should.
A client with some fine motor difficulties forms odd sentences on a device, inserting the word “iPad” at intervals, so it might read something like “iPad I want iPad park iPad swings.” Watching this, I develop a theory. I think the “iPad” button is being used as a home base, a starting point, a reference. “I know how to get to the ‘park’ button from ‘iPad,’ so I’ll make sure I start at ‘iPad’ first.” This 7-year-old had invented a strategy to help overcome difficulties with motor planning… a strategy that could easily be overlooked or considered a “mistake.” Kids are often much smarter than we give them credit for.
A pre-teen client relaxes on the couch, casually exploring her AAC program. She has a lot of pre-programmed phrases. “Hi, how are you?” “I’m fine.” “My name is Suzanne.” “Call me Suze.”
“Hi Suze!” I say. I want to acknowledge her words, even though I don’t think they are actually directed at me.
“How are you?” The device asks, and she answers it herself, verbally. “I’m good!” It looks almost like she’s having a conversation with the device… Talking to herself, as it were. Maybe she’s got an imaginary friend. Or maybe she’s practicing. I used to practice saying things in the mirror all the time. This kind of “non-meaningful” device use has never interfered with her ability to also use the device “properly” for communication. And she’s enjoying it. People learn better when they’re having fun.
“My name is Suzanne.” says the device. “Call me Suze.”
I’m making toast for an 8-year-old client while his family relaxes in the next room. This kid is very smart, but doesn’t use AAC as much as we’d like. I suspect it feels very limiting to him, as he’s a very precise person. But he finds ways to work around the problems. Sometimes they are downright ingenious.
“I want to eat toast toast toast.” says the device.
His Daddy smiles and sighs, “Don’t worry, buddy, you’ll get your toast. She’s making it for you.” Daddy thought he was just asking for toast. Again. Three minutes after the last time he asked. Daddy thought he was pestering.
“Yup! Toast coming right up!” I enthused. I thought he was just excited. I figured this was his way of saying “Yay! Toast!”
His 10-year-old brother, however, understood something that neither of us adults (both of whom are pretty close to him) even considered.
“He’s telling you he wants three pieces of toast.”
Oh. Toast toast toast. Three toasts. Of course. I’m so glad there wasn’t a therapist there to “correct” him. The repetition had a specific meaning. I wonder how often we miss the messages intended by the WAY in which our clients use AAC, messages we probably dismiss as quirks, oddities, or mistakes.
A year later. The same client has a newer AAC program, one with more flexible grammar and a much larger vocabulary. But he still doesn’t use it for much besides simple “I want” statements. And I don’t know how to encourage it, but here are a few things I’m trying:
- Using the device myself, in his presence. It’s hard, and time consuming, trying to express thoughts this way. Several times I’ve told myself I’ll only use the device and not speak for a given length of time… and invariably, I’ve failed and resorted to speech. That tells me a lot about why exploring the device during downtime is so important. You need to learn your way around so that when you actually want to say something to someone, it doesn’t take you ten minutes to locate all the words you need. I’ve said serious things and silly things and simple things. “I like music.” “I know this is hard work.” “You rock!” I’ve used it to ask him questions. He doesn’t answer often.
- Inputting the beginning of a sentence, such as “I like…” or “I feel…” and handing him the device so he can finish the statement. He’s done so once or twice. Not usually, though.
- Carrying the device around, and handing it to him when he seems to be trying to express something. What active 10-year-old is going to walk around holding something that size? Or any size? Something that fits into a pocket might work. Or having the device always set up in a specific spot so he can run over to it whenever he needs to. That can work at home and school and maybe the playground, but I realize that it’s a serious logistical issue. If you had to put in the effort of finding something or going to another room every single time you wanted to say something, how often do you think you’d bother for minor things?
He and I relax at the laundromat while his Mom goes to pick up his brother from practice. We both enjoy watching the laundry go around, hearing the regular swooshing of the machines. I find “washing machine” on his device.
“Washing machine. Washing machine.” Verbally, I add “I like watching the–” and complete my sentence on the device. “Washing machine.”
He looks up from the machine he is currently watching. I hand him the device, show him how to navigate to the “washing machine” button, under Appliances.
“Washing machine.” He says, then puts the device down.
“Washing machiiiine” I repeat verbally, drawing the word out, exaggerating. I giggle and he smiles. I pick up the device and find “dryer” next to “washing machine,” with an identical picture.
“Dryer dryer dryer.” I write. He looks at me, smiles. My own voice echoes the device. “Dryer.” I point at the dryers in the laundromat, even though I’m quite certain he already knows which is which. I hand him the device. I point to the button that says “dryer” and repeat the word verbally again.
“Washing machine dryer washing machine dryer dryer dryer” he writes.
“Cool,” I say verbally, “I like watching the washing machine too. And the dryer. But especially the washing machine.”
Doesn’t this conversation sound… familiar?
He’s one of those kids that people (myself included, I’m embarrassed to say) inevitably describe as being “in their own world.”* But that’s not true at all. Better to say that he perceives and interacts with the same world we do… he just does so very differently than most of us. We don’t “speak” the same mental language, and many things that most people take for granted just aren’t on his radar. I suspect that plenty of things that are obvious to him pass us by completely, too. He doesn’t often make eye contact, rarely looks at something that someone is pointing at. He doesn’t do social smiles, or acknowledge when people arrive or leave, or have any verbal language. It’s hard to remember sometimes that he’s actually very observant and quite clever.
He’s a musical kid. Hums a lot, whistles better than I do, and does some reasonably good bird calls. He vocalizes a fair bit, especially when happy or excited. But he doesn’t use many speech sounds, and almost no consonants. With one exception. One of his happy verbal stims goes something like this: “bee-bee-bee bee-buh-bee…”
I wondered about this for a while. Why “bee?” Granted, “B” it is one of the early consonant sounds babies learn, but usually after “Mama,” at least, and it’s usually “Bah” rather than “Bee.” “Gah” and “Dah” are also learned early, but I’ve never heard him say either of those. When the most likely answer finally popped into my mind, I couldn’t believe it took so long for the idea to occur to me.
See, he’s from a multilingual household, and the most commonly spoken language at home is… Arabic. Where the standard term of endearment is “habibi” (ha-bee-bee), which means “beloved.” His parents and grandparents and so on use his name as well, of course, but very often he is addressed as “habibi,” especially when people are happy with him.
It’s wonderfully endearing to me that, out of all the things he hears on a daily basis, this is the one he has chosen (consciously or not) to mimic. Maybe it’s his way of saying “I love you” back to his mother, to his family, to the world. I don’t know. But it sounds even more joyful now that I know its origins.
Bee-bee-buh-bee indeed, dear child, bee-bee-beeee…
* Autism expert Judy Endow writes on why she dislikes that phrase: http://www.judyendow.com/autistic-behavior/we-are-not-in-our-own-world/ http://ollibean.com/autism-and-measuring-normal/